Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
