whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
