After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
