I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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