Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
