nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
