dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So much rum. So many feels.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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