My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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