This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
