i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
