I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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