Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
