roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
