I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
