He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
