They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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