Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
