Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
