I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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