Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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