my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
