you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
