used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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