and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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