I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You are a genius and a whore.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
