He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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