I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
