You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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