I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
