He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize