Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The air was thick with penises
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
