Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
