11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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