I hate all girls vehemently.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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