ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
