Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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