sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Mom said you looked used
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is classic penis vs brain.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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