There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
