Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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