Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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