You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
