HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
