I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
