morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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