Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize