Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
