Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
