Just took my morning after pill in the library
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
