Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
