Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
