Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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