Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
