"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
