i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
