direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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