I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
