I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
