Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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