you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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