Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
