??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
