Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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