My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
