Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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