I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
