I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
a search helicopter?!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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