Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
