The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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