literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
