Got a toothbrush?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
