What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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