and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
