Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
