Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
