dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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