i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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