I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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