Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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