Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
