i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
