Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
