Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
