Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
