Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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