I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
