I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
