its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize