My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
