im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
3pm strippers are depressing
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
