I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
