Whod you bang
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
