woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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