If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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