According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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