i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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