I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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