I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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