So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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