If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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